Absolut Shattered
I haven't slept since yest noon, and yet I still don't feel like closing my eyes. Had finished almost 2 packets of cigarette. Hsd a momentous fight this morning with dar. I think Im really nuts, I'm sorry I couldn't control myself anymore.I demanded her to tell me what to do whether is separation or whatever as long she's happy with it, but she ignored me which made me even more furious. I even push her so hard till she fall and sprained her ankle. I'm so sorry. I'm really so sick and tired of everything around me. It feel like the world had falls on me, I cant withstand that kinda pressure anymore.
As she left, I lay on the bed and look outside the window. It's gonna rain soon. I begin to cool down.. I put on my singlet and head to the top of the multi-storey carpark. I squatted down there waiting for the rain to fall on me. Slowly it begin to rain, I looked down on the floor, watching the water droplet falling into the puddle of water. My body was shivering, but whats colder is the emptiness in my heart. In my mind, I hope that the rain would wash away my unhappiness, my frustration, my problems.. or perhaps if god think my time is up, could strike me with a thunder to end all my misery.
Slowly the rain stopped, and I survived. I tell myself since I can get through this, I would be able to pull through my current crisis. My rainy days would be over soon. Finally I found a peace in my heart and mind, hope it would last me throughout this desperate times.
